How it used to be ...

If its ADULT in nature please say so in the title.
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Alan
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How it used to be ...

Post by Alan » Thu Apr 15, 2010 1:56 pm

Shamelessly stolen from elsewhere ....

Teaching maths in 1970

1. A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

6. Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree before asking local Mxxxxxx if it is offensive to their religious beliefs before applying for a felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident. However he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target. When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a leaving BBQ, cooking squirrel and pheasant and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

7. Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn't sell a lorry load of timber because he can't get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime mortgages in Alabama. To cover their loss the government have provided money to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses.
The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry. However, as it was built in the 1970's, it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.
Some illegal immigrant EU loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and the authorities find it easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and, as his name is on the side of his old lorry, he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonus's are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.
You do the maths.

:read:

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cheiftain
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Re: How it used to be ...

Post by cheiftain » Thu Apr 15, 2010 9:41 pm

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :D How Very true Alan It's a gem of modern life in this country of OURS !! :banghead: :banghead:
The journey isn't about departing in a well preserved body - but rather to skid in sideways - totally worn out - shouting HOLY SHIT WHAT A RIDE!!!!

Be More like a Dog, If you can't, Eat it, Play with it, Chase it, or Bark at it, Just Piss on it and walk away.

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monsterc10
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Location: derbyshire

Re: How it used to be ...

Post by monsterc10 » Thu Apr 15, 2010 11:29 pm

:grin: :grin: :D really does make you wonder what this country is coming to , 2009 was a bad year :banghead: :lol:
THROTTLE WIDE OPEN + MUD = FUN ! THEN LOT'S OF HOUR'S WASHING AND FIXING

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1962xk
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Location: Queensland Australia

Re: How it used to be ...

Post by 1962xk » Fri May 14, 2010 9:01 pm

Hi Alan..I stole your joke ( also shamelessly ) and passed it on...exactly the same here in Australia... it would appear that stupidity is a world wide trend. Regards Tony

cj4a nz
Posts: 113
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Re: How it used to be ...

Post by cj4a nz » Sun May 16, 2010 9:02 am

same as here in new zealand
will shamless steal and pass on this joke when I figger out how :scratch:
Warren

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